you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
