"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
