I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
