just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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