white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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