Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
