I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
