god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
