Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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