Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
