you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
