Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
