did you get engaged???
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
