I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
