Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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