Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize