Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
