I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
