im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
