Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
