Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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