bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
