Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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