"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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