I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
