hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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