i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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