If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
