i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
