You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
