I'm jealous of your bromance
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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