I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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