NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
