we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
