So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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