you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
