How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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