You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
