u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
