Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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