Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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