If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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