So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
