I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
