I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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