I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
