well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
