either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
