I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
