Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its not stalking. its research.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
