Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just cropdusted the office
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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