Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
