I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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