There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
