I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
