The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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