i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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