the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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