I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
