5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize