She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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