You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
