Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
