my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize