i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
