look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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