Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
