do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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